Suicide prevention month

Hi All,

Most of my followers know I’m very passionate about advocacy for issues relating to individuals who live with mental illness and giving efforts toward ending stigma.

My family has personally been impacted by mental illness and I almost lost a child to suicide. But it was by the grace of God it didn’t happen completely.

Earlier this month, I learned that someone I was following on twitter, but had never met in person, but very influential and a candid individual, who was not only a husband, a father, and a mental health advocate, and pastor had sadly taken his own life. This was disheartening news for me. I felt so hurt and even cried because he didn’t feel worthy to continue living and felt he was better off not here. My heart ached because it also hit home for myself and the experiences I had myself and battling thoughts from memories of 2018 when everything in my entire world seemed to be flipped upside down, but here is what we don’t seem to realize in this somewhat, unrealistic, uncompassionate society, is that these so-called “elect” individuals who have these fancy titles, or mass following on social media, as celebrities, famous athletes, pastors, famous musicians, models, etc., is that, these too are human people, non exempt from hurt, pains, issues of past, present and future, and are just as fragile as the next. We all have had issues, if you can read this and say you don’t have issues , than you are lying to yourself and others. Please stop seeing the title of the person and just see the person and reach a level of understanding that no one is exempt from mental illness.

Anyways, the reason for my blog today is to inform you that I am participating in helping raise funds for American Foundation for Suicide Preventionand it’s another to help raise funds.

Here is a photo of me and my youngest son, and is the photo for my profile on their donation site. So you know you have the correct person.

I did my first walk with NAMI Walks earlier this year and it was an amazing campaign. I met some really wonderful people there. And if you’ve never done this walk before its amazing to see just how much support there is and confirmation that we aren’t alone in this ongoing battle. There are people from all different walks of life. There was parents, spouses, the individual themself who lives with mental illness and so many community sponsors.

Anyways, I’m doing the walk to help raise funds for Suicide Prevention. So I am asking for your small donations to help sponsor me as I walk for this great cause. The link is in the above paragraph. I have set a small goal of $150.

Thank you very much in advance.

-Erika

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Believe in You! #MentalHealth

You don’t need others to validate your choices.

You don’t need others to boost your self esteem.

Don’t give others the power to define who you are. You only need to believe in your self worth and remain confident at all times. Even thru failure you can find success.

You don’t need a fortune cookie to tell you good things about yourself.

You don’t need a psychic to tell you about your life.

You don’t need to blow out all the candles on your cake in one blow to make your wishes come true.

You don’t need a bunch of money to create wealth.

You don’t need a million followers on social media to be considered as important.

You should never allow any person to shatter your worth, your value, your ideas, your dreams, or your hopes.

You don’t need anymore excuses.

You don’t have to keep searching for confirmation or validation or accreditation.

YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOU! AND GET AT IT!

I hope I was able to encourage someone tonight!

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Thanks for being here! -Erika

“What’s wrong with him?” #specialneeds #mentalhealth

As a mom to my son, Erik. Down thru the years I have encountered some very nice people, but sadly I have also encountered some very nasty and ugly people. I have been asked by people of all ages from his peers to adults, “WHATS WRONG WITH HIM?” Mostly when he wasn’t talking yet and he was only able to make sounds and body movements for expressing excitement. Back then he used sign language mostly.

I have also witnessed others like my son being mistreated, overlooked, stared upon with disgust, and it really takes me to a place that others rarely see I can go. YES, I have a button so don’t push it. I can turn into the incredible Hulk when you mistreat my child.

So here’s a challenge for life to the ones who are uneducated, uninformed, maybe willfully ignorant, or possibly just a mean spirited person.

When it comes to a negative perspective about individuals with special healthcare challenges, RATHER THAN ASKING YOURSELF “WHATS WRONG WITH HIM/HER?” How about you take a moment to get to know the person so you can learn everything that is right about them? Just because a person is nonverbal doesn’t mean they aren’t able to comprehend how you treat them or what your saying. Just because a person talks loudly doesn’t mean that they are angry or needs to be restrained. Just because a person is wheelchair bound doesn’t mean they don’t still have other abilities, some that may blow you away. Just because a person may appear to be “limited” doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t be able to break the “limits” you think can’t be broken. Just because a person may look very different, act very different, respond differently, or express themselves differently, doesn’t give another person the right to mistreat them, shun them, or say nasty things about them. After all, we’re all different already, no one is the same. So next time your out and you run into someone who’s living with obvious special challenges, take a moment to smile at them, say hello, or greet them. Instead of staring, bickering, and acting like their contagious and going to infect you with something.

And to the people who are so perfect and like to stigmatize families that have children or loved ones with special challenges. I would just like to say this, WE DON’T HAVE DEMONS, WE ARE NOT CURSED, WE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG, AND WE ARE BEING PUNISHED BY GOD BECAUSE WE HAVE GIVEN BIRTH TO A CHILD WHO’S DEVELOPED CHALLENGES!!!!!!! I did everything that I know as right to take care of myself, my health and diet, and spiritual walk with God and yes my life still had to endure hardships, various trials and tribulations, go through GREAT suffering, but in spite of it ALL, all these have taught me, compassion, understanding, empathy, patience, faith, how to keep faith during hardships, and to have love for my enemies and ones who despitefully used me.

My son loves God and I believe he has a very special connection to our heavenly father that no one else on this earth has the same.

I’ll never forget when my son was so much younger and we were inside of Walgreens standing in line, and at that time he was probably 5 years old and really just began to talk and learned to say Hi to people and he absolutely loved to get a response and interaction from others. So he would say Hi more than just once and keep saying Hi until he got a reply back. So he said Hi to this lady standing in front of us because she made eye contact with us, and she just kept staring, but said nothing back, then I thought well maybe she doesn’t talk or she could be deaf or something, but NOPE, she heard him because he kept saying Hi, and she deliberately ignored him, and just stared at him like he had a disease, she finally turned and began talking to a person in line. So as Erik kept saying Hi, I turned to my son and said, You know what Erik, its okay if she doesn’t want to say Hi, some people are just rude and don’t realize just how special you are and who they are standing in line with. And he just got excited and at that time he would gesture his arms and make this whoofing sound to express his excitement.

You have to give people time to develop, grow and learn at their own pace sometimes. Sometimes its not always a ONE SIZE FITS ALL world for everyone.

And it’s not always a fair assessment to say a child or teen isn’t able to learn and fail them in your class, just because they are struggling. Have you considered that maybe just maybe it could be your teaching style that needs a different approach or a tweak? Sometimes people are good at doing their own job, but it doesn’t always mean they are good at teaching what they do. Sometimes people are good learners but not good teachers. I’ve witnessed this in college and when I worked an actual 9to5 and had to punch the clock.

I challenge you to make and take time to learn about others and get to know and understand the person you may have looked at “differently” & learn about their journey and maybe you can come to respect and accept who they are.

So it’s because of moments and memories like these that have made me continue to speak out and speak up on behalf of my own son and others who live the daily grind just like me and my family.

Thanks for listening. -EB

Artwork for therapy. #Epilepsy #Anxiety

Here are the latest pieces of my daughter’s art work. Welcome to SEENYART! She has been drawing since she was in elementary school, and she is turning 21 in October. Time has flown. Her art has become more skilled and developed. I’m very proud of all she has overcome and battled in her young life. Art and drawing is her outlet for relaxation and allows her creative juices to flow. These pieces were inspired by her first self portrait of herself as half her and half tiger. So now she has just completed, Lebron aka King James and a Lion. And Tiger Woods and a Tiger. I wish someone would discover her talents and hire her. She dreams of having her own art studio one day! And I believe she will sooner than later! SeenyArt will be a physical store and not just an etsy shop online. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And she takes requests and charges appropriately.

She loves to sketch, draw, paint, and creates with charcoal, prisma colored pencils, acrylic paints.  She has such a creative mind, photo graphic memory and she is talented.  But also her own worst critic.  I think these are amazing.  But she thinks their “just ok”.  The other 2 are for sale, but her self portrait is not.  If you are interested in purchasing, please contact me.  Only serious offers please.

Thanks for the support.

 

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My daughter
Lebron (King James)
Tiger woods

Me, mental illness, stigma and speaking out.

This is my experience as I know mental illness, stigma and speaking out. I have a very unique journey, from both sides of the world, one being the “special needs” community, and the other being the isolated world of “mental illness”. Because for some reason God chose to let my children live with a variety of challenges, whether you consider them, “invisible disabilities, high functioning, special needs, intellectual disabilities, mentally challenged, developmentally delayed, etc” the list goes on and on and I am so used to it, that those are just words now. I could care less. I use them myself because that’s how some can identify with what I’m explaining. I do however care when it comes to offensive derogatory words or stigma!

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As a caregiver & mom of children who are living with mental health challenges, and developmental delays and when my world became flipped upside down and torn to shreds in those intense “Never would have imagined this could happen to me” moments, I went thru various stages of emotions.

First, was the “why” phase. When I ask God why is this happening to my child? Second, was the “anger” phase. When I grew angry at the fact that life as I once knew It, became a stranger to me and there was nothing that could be done to change what was standing and existing right in front of me. Then came the “what, how, when, why” phase. This is where things seemed like it was going to remain stuck in turmoil and all the questions came into play. What if they never bounce back to their normal self? What if they will never be able to overcome this? What if I have lost the child I once knew before? What will their future look like? What if others find out what they’ve went through, will they be treated different? What if I lose friends myself? How did this happen? When did things change? Did I miss something? Why did it happen? Who do I turn to for help? Who can I talk to about such personal and scary stuff without being stigmatized? These were just some of my concerns and questions when my world flipped upside down the first time, during my son’s 8th grade year.

Now, nearly 6 years later. After having educated my own self about mental health and mental illnesses, and becoming involved with advocacy. My questions and concerns, and feelings have shifted. Now I ask. Why don’t people want to learn more about mental illnesses, and symptoms and how to identify a person in crisis? When will others realize that mental illnesses are brain disorders and they are caused by something medical, yet it’s mostly always labeled as “mental” so it’s dismissed that bipolar, schizophrenia are medicaly related? What if it was YOU, what if this happened to you, how would you want others to treat you? Why does the media continue to make every person living with mental illness look like a evil person? When are we going to see the people who are living successfully with mental illness? When are we going to see the commercials that someone with bipolar 1 disorder, overcame and graduated college? What would you do if your own brain had some thing similar to a heart attack? Why does there seem to be a separation between a person who has Autism, versus a person who has both Autism and Bipolar 1? Or has one but not the other? How would you feel if you were stigmatized because your child became diagnosed with Autism or Bipolar? And people said you must be cursed because your kids have issues? Why is it even okay that the media is allowed to portray false representations of mental illness?How can we eradicate stigma? What’s it going to take to eradicate stigma? Why isn’t it mandatory to be educated to the student body in high schools nationwide and staff? When will ER staff learn how to respond and what to do effectively in a mental health crisis? When will others learn that mental illness isn’t like a cold that you can catch? When will others see that NOT every individual who has a mental illness also has a drug addiction? When will people realize that NO one, NOT one person is exempt from becoming mentally ill? I say that to drive home a point, and some can disagree and maybe this is my angry phase once again, but when are people going to realize that just as much and as “normal” as my son was prior to his mental break, and as healthy as he ate and athletic as he is, and intelligent as he is, IT still wasn’t enough to keep bipolar from blowing our way and impacting his life. He was born on time, no complications, met every milestone on time or early in his development. Smart as a whip. So it doesn’t matter who you are, how healthy you eat, how active you are, what your age is, because for us, it was like one day this, and the following day literally EVERYTHING CHANGED! So learn about mental health, educate yourself. What happened to my family, can very well at any time happen to yours. Just as similar as a person who has a sudden cardiac arrest after sailing along thru life just fine, this is how I felt my son was suffering from a sudden misfire in his brain. And I truly hope and pray that one day we can find prevention, that mental illness can be detected early in children, instead of waiting until 18 to get a diagnosis. I hope that EEG’s or blood tests one day will be able to identify specifics of what looks like bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, borderline. I pray for everyone to become better informed. Especially those who are in uniforms and in a first responder role, so they can help people receive appropriate and effective treatment. I pray that mental health laws would enforced with better outcomes for both the individual and the caregiver. I pray that there would be a better more efficient way to identify someone in a mental health crisis, rather than ALWAYS having to treat them as if their on drugs or high off of them just because some symptoms are presently the same. Yet every second is crucial for a persons brain and the trauma it is going thru. I pray for better science and medical treatment.

When will the media begin showing the positive successes of individuals who live with mental illness as college graduates, high school honor students, successful engineers, game developers? Instead of always portraying the few that have had not so good outcomes. Yet the media always shows the person who commits a violent crime, and quick to mention their “mentally ill” but fails to often mention the other facts that they’ve stopped taking their medication and began self medicating.

Mental illnesses aren’t what causes evil. Evil meditations cause people to become evil, not the mental illness. I’m just saying from experience, not all people who have a mental illness are evil. Yes its possible for an evil person to have a mental illness, but again its not the mental illness that drives evil.

Mental illness often times gets the blame for heinous crimes. This is why stigma continues. Because we’re missing all the facts people! It seems like whenever a heinous crime is in the media, and Mental illness is mentioned, that alone overshadows all the remaining components to that person’s character and choices which influenced their decision to commit a heinous crime.

Mental illness is often depicted in movies as something “crazy”, “psycho”, or “dark”, “evil” because they take a character, write that he has a Mental illness and portray him as such horrific things. And this is what we support people. To those who like those horror flicks, or killer movies, which in my opinion feeds the stigma. You’ll NEVER get it, until or unless someone near and dear to you becomes sick with a mental illness. Then and only then will you view things in a different light, will you then become a little more sensitive to things you never were before. Anyways, I know what I know and so it doesn’t and will not matter what others opinions are to my own facts as I have lived them. There’s an old saying, just keep on living and after while…….

I guess I can’t expect everyone to get it! Especially those who haven’t lived a similat journey. And btw, no it’s not all peaches and cream. It’s a lot of sleepless nights, walking on eggshells, and alot of effort goes into continual caregiving and giving a care. But when you’ve walked a similar path to that of mine, then and only then will you get it. If you have questions, please contact me privately, don’t post a long comment.

Anyways….

The people I have met are very inspiring. They are some of the most kind-hearted, fragile, soft spoken, upbeat, funny, energetic, loving, compassionate individuals I have ever met.

I have had a very unique opportunity to meet individuals who are battling everyday with their mental health, yet because their mental illness is “invisible” to others, their mixed in and combined within the general pool of applicants, students, interns, positions, classes, etc. And to their credit, it is no ones business unless they choose to share that they battle depression, Anxiety, bipolar, etc. Yet these same individuals are just as successful, have graduated with honors, have went onto college, have become famous athletes, have became well known in society, but only few have chose to break their silence and share their journey of how they have not allowed their mental illness to cripple them. I wish anyone who has a respectable platform who has fought tooth and nail, would share to inspire others, educate the general public, and give hope to family members.

I am like Martin Luther King Jr, and I too have a dream. I dream that one day every person will be educated about mental illness and eradicate stigma that continues to exist due to ignorance and false representations. I dream that one day there will be a medical procedure to quickly and accurately identify people who are in mental health decline, rather than treating them as a drug addict or violent aggressor. I dream that we will find a cure for mental illness. I dream for a better future for individuals who live with bipolar, schizophrenia, ptsd, ADHD, autism, aspergers, borderline personality, and all others. I dream that I will live long too see change for the better. I dream that there would be equal compassion for every one who battles an illness, cancer, disease or life impacting, debilitating sickness. I dream that individuals who battle with mental illness will receive just as much compassion as individuals who battle cancer or autism or other life altering ailments.

If you’ve read this and are out of touch, uninformed or misinformed please take and make time to become in touch, informed and accurately educated about how to help someone in crisis. You could save a life!

To those who follow the articles I write, once again, thank you for being here. I know it’s been awhile. I appreciate your support and don’t take it lightly. And thank you to those who share my articles on their social platforms and outlets.

Blessings to all! – E. Brooks

My voice, my views, but my son’s journey. When the wind blew bipolar our way. (Repost)

Tonight, I will be sharing a small chapter of my oldest son’s journey of life in his teenage years and becoming diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This article is through my views and facts as I know them. It is my voice of experience as his mom, caregiver, and advocate.

It all began during the middle of his 8th grade year. He had come home from school one day, not speaking and with a grimaced facial expression. Anything I said, he wouldn’t respond to, I would just get that same expression. I could discern something was off, not exactly right, and very concerned. My husband was in denial, and thought he was just playing around, because our son often would joke around. However, I knew my son wasn’t playing around and this was nothing to joke about nor was it a joke itself. I like to think of it as “mothers intuition”. It wasn’t until he was attempting to make a sandwich and turn on the TV that it was obvious he was in need of medical attention. To see that he struggled to make that sandwich and watch him begin to twitch while trying to turn on the TV, that was enough for me. I can remember my husband laying down to take a nap as he too had just gotten home from work. As soon as I came out to the living area and saw my son struggling with the remote and his face twitching, I knew in that instant, he needed medical attention and there was something serious going on, but I just didn’t know what. We immediately took him to the hospital ER and he was admitted. They ran several medical tests, labs, and everything came back negative except one small concern. But it wasn’t able to explain why he wasn’t talking and why he was having all these involuntary movements with his upper extremities.

Long story short, he was discharged after sometime in the hospital as having an altered mental status. And sent home with a sedative to treat anxiety attacks, since this was also what he appeared to be experiencing. He was referred to follow up with their social worker/pediatric psychologist for outpatient services.

After his uncontrollable symptoms had ran their course. He finally stabilized and was home, all things appeared to return back to normal for himself as well as our daily living. And might I add, this entire “thing” had flipped our entire world’s upside down, inside out and scared the living crap out of us all. It was as though, here we were sailing through life just great and then this “thing” came in and interrupted our world as we once knew it before. During this time his mental health was out of his control and required him to finish his 8th grade at home. I arranged with the school district to provide a home school tutor and created a 504 plan with accommodations for his educational needs.

For those who have no idea what I’m explaining please follow this article for more descriptive details of my journey. Never did I think my family, my son, would experience anything like this. Prior to this happening our family was blind to mental illnesses and our family was once “untouched”, “uninformed”. Some of you have absolutely no clue how difficult it is to watch your child suddenly become nonverbal, incapacitated and suddenly crippled mentally and physically. It was heart breaking and I felt like my life was moving in slow motion as I was being suffocated. I felt helpless, and afraid for his quality of life.

All I had in these moments was my faith in God which served as my weapon and continual prayer as my strength. His health had been severely impacted during this time, and it was scary because of the unknown future. He needed assistance to feed himself, tie his shoes, and walk at times. And I’m talking about a child who was born healthy, normal and on time. He was advanced in some areas of his growth and development as a toddler. He had always been highly active, involved in sports, and very independent. All the things he enjoyed before had all become things that he no longer could enjoy at times. He would still partake in doing them, but just couldn’t enjoy them as he once had. It was as though the wind blew and everything changed in the blink of an eye.

To be continued…

THANK YOU for the Sunshine Blogger Nomination!

Thank you so much to my fellow bloggers “Reluctant Preachers Daughter and Aspi.Blog” for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award!

If you are not following them, you can read their articles by clicking the provided links above.

Since I have been nominated by more than one person more than once and I am attempting to make this short while following the rules, I will post questions by them and also myself within the 11. And I will answer them as well.

  1. How do you promote your blog? My blog is promoted on Instagram in the bio, it’s on Twitter, and a Facebook page I have created. Which those quick links can also be found on my main page by clicking their logo for those who are interested.
  2. What has been your greatest recent challenge? The greatest challenge for me at this season in life has been coming to accept that I have young adult children that still need my support on most every level only because of their mental health challenges. This was not anything I had ever expected my life would become when I decided to birth children and begin a family. But I love them dearly.
  3. How do you go about creating a blog post? I choose to write articles that are relatable and my own truths from personal experiences within my own daily life.
  4. What would your dream home look like? My dream home would include a bowling alley for my son, an in-home theater for him as well, and an indoor swimming pool with a sauna, hot tub, with a 3 car garage and a lot of land with a privacy fence and gated security entry. And a greenhouse, with fruit trees.
  5. What do you enjoy most about blogging? I enjoy getting feedback from others and seeing that I was able to inspire or enlighten someone else.
  6. What helps you get through a rough day? Prayer, meditation, listening to songs that inspire me and writing.
  7. What brought you to begin blogging? Because I used to post a lot of long posts on my Facebook years ago and I found alot of readers were inspired by them as well as suggesting that I should seriously write a book. So I chose to begin a blog first.
  8. What is your passion in life? To advocate for individuals who are living with mental illnesses and other developmental delays. To write a book about my experiences with these challenges to educate and encourage others who are uninformed or discouraged.
  9. What do you do for self-care? I see my own therapist when needed so I don’t overwhelm my spouse or others.
  10. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? I would like to go to Seoul, since that is where I was born.
  11. If you could tell one thing about yourself that most people don’t know, what would it be? I was adopted and I wish I could locate my birth mother.

Here are the rules:

• Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to him/her.

• Answer the 11 questions provided by the blogger who nominated you.

• Nominate other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.

• Notify the nominees by commenting on one of their blog posts.

• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post.

For this award I’m nominating these four bloggers.

http://www.autismfamilypower.com

http://aspi.blog

https://thebipolarwriter.blog/

http://lucid-being.com

It is with much gratitude that I am thankful for the nomination of this Sunshine Blogger Award by fellow bloggers.

Gratefully yours,

Erika – Mother and Advocate

Church inclusion for special needs families.

This is my Facebook post on my personal account.

I know most people who are similar to my own family and its dynamics probably find it difficult to do any outside activities, depending upon our loved ones challenges. But down through the years of raising my family and my youngest child, I have had both failures and successes.

I have experienced those horrible moments of being laughed at, pointed at, talked about with the whispers as we pass by, oftentimes made to feel unwanted and misunderstood by his behaviors as a younger child living with developmental delays. It has always been my stance and his siblings to protect and watch over him. To use our voices to speak on his behalf or to stop the stigma that others may have thrown our way.

So with our life experiences and God as our center of hope, faith and love for others, it was impressed in our spirit to begin a ministry to cater to other families like us.

In addition to talking with other families we have met, mostly all feeling the same way as us, we began to see a great need within our own community for a special needs ministry. A service where these families can come and worship God together in the same sanctuary. Our loved ones can be involved with the service in their own way of expression. Whether it be them sitting, standing, running, jumping, rocking in their seat, walking the floor, clapping, shouting with a joyful noise, whatever their ability to praise God. There are no stares, there is no pressure to feel unwelcome for being “different”. Just a place where all families can come together in one place, God’s House and feel the love, and be able to meet others who can truly relate to our daily living.

The service includes everyone and offers a time for those who may want to share their story about their journey. Individuals are included for a time of prayer, scripture reading. Followed by music, a gospel message and invitation at the altar.

I would like to ask every person that is supportive of this ministry and has personal social media accounts to share this news within their community and with their followers. We hope to inspire other churches to grab ahold of this great need for those who have been overlooked and forgotten by people, but NOT by God.

We are NOT FORGOTTEN MINISTRIES. Come join us every 3rd Sunday afternoon at 1pm.

Thank you for the support. Blessings!

Toy Story 4 & Another small victory!

My youngest son, Erik is 17 yrs old. He has developmental challenges and today we decided to take him to see Toy Story 4. Afterall, we have all had a long month with his knee injury and he is finally up and walking again.

Photo credit: Disney / Pixar

The last time he was in a movie theater to try and see something was when Rio was out and that was 2011. I remember he was 9-1/2 years old at that time. He had a fear of darkness and loud noises. It was a “sensory film” featured at our local AMC theater. This was inspired by individuals living with autism and/or other special needs. It was supposed to be a movie with the lights dimmed low, and the sound not as loud as normal showings.

However, I’ll never forget that day because the person in charge of operations, messed up and blasted the sound before turning it down, and forgot to leave the lights dimmed at first. It took a lot of coaching, verbal cues to survive that movie. I remember other children running around and walking the aisles. My son sat still frightened in his reclining chair, while wearing his headphones. I don’t recall being able to focus on the movie myself because I was too busy making sure he was okay. I also remember telling myself and my husband, “Never again! I guess we’ll never be able to take him to a movie theater because it was just too much.” And from that time forward to today, our family has always waited until summer and been fortunate that there is a drive-in theater where we can go together with no issues.

HOWEVER!! Today, was a completely different story! I waited until last night to tell him we are taking him to see Toy Story 4. Anyone else who has a special child like my Erik, probably can relate to picking your battles and knowing your child’s behaviors. I wait to tell him things because otherwise I have to hear about it all day and everyday leading up to the event. And sometimes it causes anxiety for him which can backfire our plans.

Happy moment for Erik!

Anyways, I told him last night and he was happy. He picked up his phone that and began typing on his notepad, “tomorrow we go see movie toy story 4 mom and dad”. And he did his little self talk all evening.

On the drive to the theater my own anxiety began to build a little, thinking what if he talks to loudly and disrupts the others, or if he begins throwing a fit? But I explained to him during the drive there, “Erik the movie theater is going to be dark inside but it will be okay, and you will be safe, me and dad will be with you and it’s gonna kinda be like the little theater at your school when you had your senior awards night.” He was okay with that. I had to try and use a familiar experience with a good outcome that he could relate to. And it worked! Because when we got to the theater he went up a few stairs and sat in the chair. At first he seemed afraid, but he told himself, “its okay, Erik, this is just like your school when you had senior awards night, your okay, your gonna see Toy Story and get to sing your song, you got a friend in me.”

Photo credit: Disney / Pixar

The good thing is that the recliner chairs in the theater are very similar to what we have at home so that fear he had at 9-1/2 for reclining back was not there anymore. His dad showed him where the buttons were and he reclined his feet and they shared their popcorn and he was set. At first I thought he was going to startle from the sound so I brought his head phones just in case, but he didn’t need them. I was so proud of him!

He even got to sing his favorite theme song along with the movie. And he made a couple of remarks during the movie which were appropriate during some of the scenes with Woody and Buzz and some new characters. I won’t say anymore, because I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it yet.

My son and my husband

As the film ended after about an hour and a half, we walked to the van and my son said, “I did it, I saw Toy Story 4 now and I did good.” My husband and I reassured him that indeed he did a great job.

I wrote this article today to hopefully inspire another mom or caregiver that may have lost hope or might be feeling like they won’t ever be able to take their child to do things that others can do.

To anyone who is reading this and has walked along my path, I will just say, what didn’t go well today, doesn’t mean it won’t go well for you in the future. Never give up hope for your loved one / child’s abilities to accomplish even the smallest of things. What other families may take for granted we know that these small things are a huge milestone for us.

It may take months for some to reach that next milestone and years for others, but just keep trying and insert new experiences here and there. Allow your child to develop courage and overcome fears, while you learn what it is to appreciate the small things in life. Those small things that we sometimes don’t appreciate because maybe we spend too much time complaining about things.

I think what is most helpful for me, is knowing what MY OWN REALITY is and not wishing to be like other families. Because if I keep measuring my son’s growth to that of someone he isn’t than I’m living in a fantasy and not reality.

I used to be like that, and its not helpful and it wasn’t good. Anyone who has a special needs child can probably relate to feeling like your world is different and unrelatable. But in fact, it is much more common than you have allowed yourself to experience. It seems as though most of us are inside, behind closed doors, kept quiet and shielded from potential harm. But I’ve discovered that there is a community for us.

I hope everyone has something to appreciate about their child and themselves. Even if it seems little. An accomplishment is an accomplishment no matter what. And today, July 9th, 2019. This was Eriks, that he was able to see a movie in a theater without being afraid and without being disruptive. And it wasn’t even a sensory film and it was at a much nicer theater than the AMC that we attended in 2011.

Thanks for being here and thanks for listening. If there is another mom, dad or caregiver reading this that feels discouraged about their child’s diagnosis or development please trust the process and keep your faith. It will happen for you in due time.

Blessings!

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Inspiration & Hope that came from suffering & pain.

This will NEVER get old for me. It’s just a small part of my son’s journey.

My son’s news stories from 2014.

My son 4months old, after ICD implant surgery in 2001.

My son after surgery, removal of his ICD implant.

He is teaching me about living life to its fullest potential even when things are designed to get you down.  He has taught me how to have joy even in the midst of loss and tragedy. If only the world could know just how amazing this kid is! Nearly every person who has a chance to meet and interact with him, always says he is one of a kind.

I’m so blessed to have Erik as my son just as he is, developmental delays and ALL. And I would NOT change a single thing about him. He brightens my day. You would think as a mom I am teaching him about life, but he is indeed teaching me instead. He has compassion for others to the extent that he prays each night and mentions by name others who he has met or knows that are in need of something that only God can give to them. He just has such a confidence that I admire.  And he has a faith that is undeniable.


My son praying during the special needs service.

This kid could have mustard on his shirt, walk into a room of executives and still be confident to walk up, shake their hand, introduce himself and spark a conversation without feeling any shame. Seriously!

In spite of the sufferings along the journey, in spite of all the tears I cried, praying consistently down through the years for strength and endurance, I have to say, it’s evident that this has all been a part of Gods plan to teach me humility, patience, forbearance, compassion, empathy, how to suffer, giving me a testimony to inspire others, and to see the glory in the midst of it all.

Everybody always wants blessings but nobody ever wants to suffer. Everyone wants to skip passed the bad stuff and go straight to the good stuff. But that didn’t happen in my journey. Yet, now, in hindsight, I would not change a thing. I’ve learned so much watching Erik grow and develop at his pace. It’s because my family has Erik, that his siblings have compassion for others and without stigma or judgment. It’s because of Erik that we understand struggles and acceptance. It’s because of Erik along with my other children who battle mental illness, that I created this website called “stigmasnomore.com”. It’s because of God, our faith and HIS grace that we are able to share this journey with others.  It’s because of the suffering that others didn’t see, that we are blessed that others do see.

Thank you for being here. This next chapter is going to just keep getting better!

I am beginning to write my first book soon, so I hope once it’s on bookshelves, that you will buy it and help it become a best seller.

You can donate here if you’d like to help me with start up costs. ⏬⏬⏬⏬

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I want to tell everyone who reads this article, who is a parent or caregiver, always stay the course, and don’t measure your growth to that of others instead measure to your own. Everyone comes from different walks of life, each at their own pace. Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t rush the process or you might wind up with raw results.  Just keep going.

Blessings!