Growing up with Hatred just for being Who I am.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/06/entertainment/awkwafina-blaccent/index.html

I feel for Awkwafina because she’s in the spotlight. She was scrutinized for having a “blaccent”. In reading this article it took me back to a time in my own life which is somewhat relatable.

I actually empathize with her. I too was always under scrutiny growing up. At home my dad called me a “N–ger lover”. At school I was labeled as a “wanna be black girl” by those who didn’t know me on a personal level. But all I was doing was being myself. I was hated on by girls in high school who didn’t even take the chance to get to know me yet they wanted to beat me up for whatever reason they chose. I was bullied nearly everyday by these two black girls who called me all sorts of derogatory names just for me being who I am. That was surely a difficult time in my life. The majority of my girlfriends were black or in today’s time POC.

I was both received by one crowd and hated by another. I’m still the same person I was in high school, meaning that I haven’t changed who I am, but I’m a lot more wiser, careless of what others have to say or think of the ME that I am. I didn’t change who I was but the experience surely built my character & made me grow some tough skin. Leading me to self examine myself and to explore this huge world that’s been infiltrated with both love & hate, racism & prejudice, acceptance & denial, persecution & respect.

And now in today’s world, my children whom are biracial are faced to sometimes make a decision of choosing only one race as their identity. Mark one box only, It’s either BLACK OR ASIAN/PACIFIC ISLANDER OR OTHER. BUT NOT BOTH. And every now and then they are beginning to list KOREAN but still not given an option to select both. They have been faced with confusion at times of what side of the fence to lean towards if it can’t be both! Sometimes when I really sit and think about this world, it’s seriously jacked up!

Finding Jesus Christ one day is what helped save me. The genuine love that came from every sister, 1st Lady, Missionary and Church mother while in a predominantly black church at (Powerhouse COGIC) was so comforting. The strong foundation that was laid out and the acceptance of both myself, my husband and our growing family. It meant more than the world to me. God knew that was what I needed or I would have been crushed.

I can remember the jokes from my former Pastor, sitting in church on a Friday night and him talking about how all the ASIANS are buying up property in the central district and then he looked directly at me and he said to the congregation, ” Oh sis Brooks, she’s one of us, so it don’t matter” 🤣. Because he knew I was genuinely me! And so many other occasions where I was accepted for who I am, the way I walk, the way I talk, the clothes I wear. But there was and what I came to realize is that there will ALWAYS be some who won’t accept me for who I am the way I am. I REALLY miss that church family!!! It’s NEVER been the same since! NEVER WITH ALL CAPS AND UNDERLINED!

#Racism #MyStory #Relatable #LoveMeOrHateMe #JustErika