Forget about the “walking on eggshells” life, its become land mines for me.
While in discussion with other families, these are some of what we all had in common…
Being in combat isn’t easy. Buckle up because your about to take the ride of your life! Put on your armour! Be prepared for every thing and anything and expect nothing! Here we go….
It’s like every step I take, I’ve set off another bomb.
It’s like every door I try to run to for a way out of the war, just leads to another trap door.
It’s like tip toeing on creeky floorboards while trying to sneak away.
It’s watching the person you’ve always known, now exist within the same body yet their behaviors are uncertain and changed.
It’s hurtful at times to feel helpless while they need help and can’t see the need.
It’s having to be muted and unable to speak a single word.
It’s like watching all the hopes, dreams, and old way of living I once had, become shattered.
It’s like the whole world revolves around them as they become so full of themselves.
It causes me to whisper because my words ignite the fuse.
It’s being anxious about what my next action or words should be.
It’s causing me to feel uncertain.
It’s feels like I’ve become the easy target.
I’m darned if I do, yet I’m darned if I don’t do.
Its like being so ready to run that race, yet I keep falsestarting because the gun hasn’t fired yet.
It feels like trying to walk around in shoes that cause my feet to blister.
It’s knowing I have a choice to do otherwise, yet I choose empathy & forbearance, only to feel defeated.
It’s like a person sneaking up behind me and scaring the crap out of me.
It’s like I’m this little object in between those vice grips that someone else is controlling the squeeze.
It’s about agreeing to disagree just to avoid conflict.
It’s about not being able to watch what I want because I’m afraid I’ll trigger some thing.
It’s about no consideration for others yet consideration is expected in return.
It’s like being trapped inside of uncontrollable anxiety 24/7, 365!
It’s about wondering what I’m going to return home to when I walk through the door.
It’s being willing to live a life on their behalf, because they lack independence.
It’s like watching a cartoon character of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and I’m the victim.
It’s like standing in the middle of a hot dessert with no shelter from the direct sunlight, being burned with every step.
It’s about knowing when to intervene and what to do or say.
It’s about just letting go and letting their consequences play out.
It’s about having tough skin and trying not to take things personal.
It’s about knowing when to walk away, when to stay and when to run.
It’s about being leaned upon but having no one for myself to lean upon.
It’s about lending my support and not expecting any in return.
It’s a lonely walk at times, because this life is so isolated and misunderstood.
It causes a lot of concerns, red flags, and sleepless nights.
It’s become tiresome, exhausting, and brings out the worst in me at times.
It’s like being lashed out at, but it’s not ok for me to bark back.
It’s about having to tolerate things that upset me, while not being able to express myself.
It’s like trying to sit down to relax but I’m bombarded by flying nats.
It’s like my mouth, hands and feet are all bound and I’m helpless.
It’s about feeling like I have to rush my efforts to every request to keep the beast calm.
It’s overwhelming to have to breathe someone else’s air all the time.
It’s very frustrating that I make so many sacrifices only to feel like it’s not enough.
If I say something my words become twisted.
If I say nothing, it means I don’t care.
If I give advice I’m being overbearing.
If I don’t give advice, then I’m blamed for not sharing my input.
It’s about the unknown.
It’s about being uncertain of what to do or not to do anymore.
It’s like a blind and deaf man walking in a land mine.
It causes me to second-guess…
It feels like I’m being pushed away, yet I try to leave, and I’m being pulled to come back.
It’s about cringing when others say the wrong things because their unaware.
It’s tiptoeing when their asleep because you feel like those are your only moments to breathe your own air.
It’s almost like having to hide in a place where I cannot be found.
It makes a person feel lost and unsure.
It’s about trying to avoid what triggers the bad feelings.
It’s about how to manage the stress of others while trying to manage my own stress and the stress alone that’s causing everyone stress to begin with, which is all stressful just thinking about it.
Welcome to the eggshell life, the mindfield of bombs, the battlefield of continuous grenades, the trap doors, the landfield of mines ready to blow!
This life is tiresome, mostly frustrating and it requires ALOT of forbearance, technique, listening skills, and self-reasoning.
Just one question? Is anyone else fighting this battle too? Cuz this battlefield sure seems like a desert with no one else around but bombs set about everywhere just waiting to explode with every breath I breathe and every step I take.
I ask myself, what am I to do? Am I just chopped liver? Should I stay or should I go?
Thanks for being here and for listening.
This article was inspired by myself and so many others who have shared how they are “walking on eggshells”.